Monday, August 31, 2009

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Shit My Dad Says

From my favourite Twitter stream of the moment @shitmydadsays written by 28 year old Justin who lives with his 73-year-old dad. As Justin says: "He is awesome. I just write down shit that he says".

Here's some of Justin's Dad's shit

"Who is this woman?....Kate Beckinsale? Well, you can tell Kate Beckinsale she sucks."

"You need to flush the toilet more than once...No, YOU, YOU specifically need to. You know what, use a different toilet. This is my toilet."

"Don't touch the bacon, it's not done yet. You let me handle the bacon, and i'll let you handle..what ever it is you do. I guess nothing."

"Your mother made a batch of meatballs last night. Some are for you, some are for me, but more are for me. Remember that. More. Me."

"Your brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could stand. It couldn't stand for shit. Just sat there. Big let down."

"Love this Mrs. Dash. The bitch can make spices... Jesus, Joni (my mom) it's a joke. I was making a joke! Mrs. Dash isn't even real dammit!"

"The dog is not bored, it's a fucking dog. It's not like he's waiting for me to give him a fucking rubix cube. He's a god damned dog."

"They serve Jim Beam on airplanes. Tastes like piss. You wouldn't be able to tell the difference, because you drink shit. I don't."

"My flight lands at 9:30 on Sunday...You want to watch what? What the fuck is mad men? I'm a mad man if you don't pick me the hell up."

"It's watering plants, Justin. You just take a God damned hose and you put it over the plant. You don't even pay rent, just do it. Shit."

(left on answering machine) "Hello? Hello? It's Sam. Anyone there? Nobody checks this god damned thing. HELLO?! HELLO?! Screw it."

"Tennessee is nice. The first time I vomited was in tennessee, I think."

If your brother comes by, tell him I'm on vacation. I already told him that, but who knows with that guy. Are you listening to me? Fuck.

Why would i want to check a voicemail on my cell phone? People want to talk to me, call again. If i want to talk to you, I'll answer.

"Jesus it's hot in here? Right? No? It's fucking hot, you people looking at me like i'm crazy. You're crazy."

"When I used to live in Los Angeles, I used to step in human feces a lot."

"The dog is an outside dog. You want an inside dog, you go get your own inside."

I didn't live to be 73 years old so I could eat kale. Don't fix me your breakfast and pretend you're fixing mine."

Sunday, August 23, 2009

this briefcase is full of crap

full story of this Japanese must-have here

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Lunatic



I was pissed off with the computer.

In the time it took the monitor to spit out a halo of beeps and a hideously yellow screen of death, another hour of work had just been destroyed.

I swore loudly and slammed a fist down too hard on the table.

I felt better immediately but had caused collateral damage. A cold mug of coffee fell and smashed to the ground in pieces.

The cat in the corner jolted awake before he quickly composed himself. He wandered over to the mess to lick up the consequences.

I looked at the clock. It was midnight. I needed to finish by 9am for the presentation in New York where it would be still 7pm yesterday.

But if I was going to turn into a pumpkin, it was no-one’s fault but my own. I ruefully recalled my over-confident words to the boss as I showed her how this new shiny toy would improve our story. “It will look great, trust me!”

Now a few hours later, I was not so sure I trusted myself. The fatal yellow screen left me stuck on step seven of 13 and at this rate of progress I wouldn’t finish till six in the morning.

I got up from my desk and turned on the radio. A man and a woman were talking about bees and honey. It was strangely re-assuring.

I peered outside the window, where the rising Moon was more quizzical.

The Moon began to talk to me.

“What seems to be the problem?” said the Moon.

I told the Moon about the meeting. I mentioned the free software I found yesterday that sounded brilliant and easy to use. It seemed ideal for us. It would help us paint a different picture to New York.

“So when is it needed by?” the Moon asked.

“The boss wanted a dry run before the meeting, so it needs to be ready by 8am.”

“And will it be ready by then?” replied the Moon.

“I don’t know yet”.

“Well, find out,” it sniffed, and promptly hid under a cloud.

I turned around and blinked.

I thought about how long I had to go before the point of no return.

The cat was no help; it was asleep again.

I sat back at the desk with a fresh coffee.

I carefully re-read the instructions while the computer whirred back into life.

Watch out while speeding in Sweden

Thursday, August 13, 2009

squirreling into a photo

This cheeky squirrel got curious about a whirring camera and ended up stealing the scene

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Earth and moon from half a million k away

In this strangely compelling pic, the observer is 560,000 km away from the Earth and the Moon, which are 400,000 km apart.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

translation party

Start with an English phrase and attempt to find equilibrium

Friday, August 7, 2009

Horse leaps moving car

some impressive showjumping

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Ladies first

chivalry is definitely the safest option

The 10 most historically inaccurate movies

Its a list from The Times so its got a bit of a British bee in its bonnet but enjoyable no less.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Stonehenge 360

a superb 360 degree shot from inside Stonehenge